October's Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month Ends: What's on the Other Side?
Today marks the end of Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month 🌸, where we remember and shine a light of awareness on pregnancy loss, the causes, and the suffering experienced by women trying to conceive. Their hopes and dreams of holding their baby often turn into grief.
When I lost my Pregnancy
I remember the eerie quietness of the young sonographer during the ultrasound. Or a week later, looking at the obstetrician who explained what to expect, suggesting paracetamol for pain. I wondered, what about the pain of my breaking heart? Or the grief that lingered for months.
Eventually, I arranged a small ceremony to help shift this grief. Some women in my circle had experienced loss or understood suffering. I brought rose petals and candles for everyone. We lit candles and placed petals in a bowl. A friend had her grandmother's crystal bowl, It seems quite fitting and beautiful to have a mother-figure holding our petals.
Ignoring emotions or pretending they aren’t there has never really helped me very much. Giving it some space, and some acknowledgement did help me heal.
For women experiencing this grief, it's not something that disappears quickly. Grief is layered. It arrives raw and slowly reveals more layers with time.
'Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side…'
As a little frog once sang, 'Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side…' Kermit the Frog 🐸 and I spoke about this recently. We concluded that there are countless songs about rainbows because everyone's story is unique. We all have our own song to sing.
This is especially true for women trying to conceive, you don't know what's on the other side. Is it something unexpected, or will it lead you to your rainbow baby?
You just don't know.
It will help to keep refilling and replenishing on your journey. You'll need your reserves, to stay afloat water when it’s so raw, to give it space for healing, to reach the other side and navigate from there, and for pregnancy and mothering after loss.
Give your grief space when you need to, and prioritize your emotional well-being. Look for support that meets you where you are. Pause to listen to what's coming up and what you need in that moment. You'll need nurturing and nourishment to see you through, to continue healing and preparing your mind and body as you walk this path and discover what's on the other side.
My Rainbow Baby
My story had a happy ending. After the candle ceremony, I took the rose petals 🌸 home for a couple of days. When I was ready, we threw them off the pier.
The waves carried them out, and after some time, I noticed that the water wasn't only carrying the rose petals out; waves were also coming in. A few days later, I discovered I was pregnant with my little rainbow baby.
Are you on a similar journey?
If you're on this journey, I offer a supportive community where we talk more about replenishing when you trying to have a baby. A place where you can come and share what you are going through, ask questions, or ask for more support. It’s also a place where we talk about the suite of things you might experience in your fertility journey, and where I share some self-care tips and practices to help you through.
Tips that will give you a little shelter from the storm, and help to rebuild you after a loss, both mentally and physically.
Would you like to come and join our Facebook group?
Click here Fertility TLC
With love, Ileana x
