Pregnancy Loss: What’s on the Other Side?

October's Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month Ends: What's on the Other Side?

Today marks the end of Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month 🌸, where we remember and shine a light of awareness on pregnancy loss, the causes, and the suffering experienced by women trying to conceive. Their hopes and dreams of holding their baby often turn into grief.

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When I lost my Pregnancy

I remember the eerie quietness of the young sonographer during the ultrasound.  Or a week later, looking at the obstetrician who explained what to expect, suggesting paracetamol for pain. I wondered, what about the pain of my breaking heart?  Or the grief that lingered for months.

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Eventually, I arranged a small ceremony to help shift this grief. Some women in my circle had experienced loss or understood suffering. I brought rose petals and candles for everyone. We lit candles and placed petals in a bowl. A friend had her grandmother's crystal bowl, It seems quite fitting and beautiful to have a mother-figure holding our petals.

 

Ignoring emotions or pretending they aren’t there has never really helped me very much. Giving it some space, and some acknowledgement did help me heal.

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​For women experiencing this grief, it's not something that disappears quickly. Grief is layered. It arrives raw and slowly reveals more layers with time.

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'Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side…'

As a little frog once sang, 'Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side…'   Kermit the Frog 🐸 and I spoke about this recently. We concluded that there are countless songs about rainbows because everyone's story is unique. We all have our own song to sing.

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This is especially true for women trying to conceive, you don't know what's on the other side. Is it something unexpected, or will it lead you to your rainbow baby?

 

You just don't know.

 

It will help to keep refilling and replenishing on your journey.  You'll need your reserves, to stay afloat water when it’s so raw, to give it space for healing, to reach the other side and navigate from there, and for pregnancy and mothering after loss.

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Give your grief space when you need to, and prioritize your emotional well-being. Look for support that meets you where you are. ​ Pause to listen to what's coming up and what you need in that moment.  You'll need nurturing and nourishment to see you through, to continue healing and preparing your mind and body as you walk this path and discover what's on the other side.​

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My Rainbow Baby

My story had a happy ending. After the candle ceremony, I took the rose petals 🌸 home for a couple of days. When I was ready, we threw them off the pier.

The waves carried them out, and after some time, I noticed that the water wasn't only carrying the rose petals out; waves were also coming in. A few days later, I discovered I was pregnant with my little rainbow baby.

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​Are you on a similar journey?

If you're on this journey, I offer a supportive community where we talk more about replenishing when you trying to have a baby. A place where you can come and share what you are going through, ask questions, or ask for more support. It’s also a place where we talk about the suite of things you might experience in your fertility journey, and where I share some self-care tips and practices to help you through.

Tips that will give you a little shelter from the storm, and help to rebuild you after a loss, both mentally and physically.

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Would you like to come and join our Facebook group?

Click here Fertility TLC

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With love, Ileana x

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Fertility Woes

Fertility struggles can be frustrating and overwhelming.  You feel stuck in your journey to having your baby.  However, there are things you can do to help your fertility and have a more positive journey.

 

Finally, you met your forever partner…
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(Yay! ​ No more kissing the wrong frogs 🐸 🙄)
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You thought finding them was the hard part?!!
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𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺…
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Instead of the family life you hoped for, loving and nurturing your little ones, you’ve encountered a longer, more difficult journey than you ever imagined.
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With appointments with healthcare providers, pregnancy announcements, negative tests, and the monthly reminder that you aren’t pregnant.

 

Wanting more support on your way to motherhood
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It’s becoming more overwhelming and you realise you could use more support than your currently getting.
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🌸 For your emotions
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🌸 To balance your reproductive hormones
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🌸 To help your body restore health
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What if I told you there are things you can do to help you?
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Such as practices that will help to balance the ups and downs of this wild rollercoaster ride that is infertility.
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Or that we can support the production of healthier hormones by ensuring that you’re eating the right foods and balancing your stress levels so they don’t mess with your sleep or your hormones. 🌱
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𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, ‘𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦?’
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​In fact, the science is strong here. That’s why fertility specialists recommend improving your ‘lifestyle factors’.
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𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘴. 🌸
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𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 will also 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘺. 🤰
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I know changing your habits isn’t easy to do, especially when you’re feeling frustrated and disheartened.
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If they were so easy to implement, we’d all be super healthy, with the perfect body, and be totally 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘹𝘦𝘥 right? 🧘‍♀️
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Another incredible benefit of this path is that it sets you up for a healthier baby. 👶
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And even if you do end up using reproductive technologies, which not many of my clients have, it would increase the chance of success.
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This is what we do in the Empowered Conception program.

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​The Empowered Conception Preconception Wellbeing Program

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Effective, 𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦-𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 ways to help you:
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🌱 Nourish your body and your hormones,
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🌱 Relax and unwind in a healthy way, and
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🌱 Movement to support your goals at this time.
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𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴. 🧡
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We create a tool bag and choose tools that will support your fertility, 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨.
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Together we’ll find practices that are a great fit for your life, making them more enjoyable, and easier to commit to. ​
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𝘚𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺. 🌸
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Nourishing practices that you will keep turning to and building upon.
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Through your whole journey, through pregnancy and all the way to parenthood.
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There’s an easier way, with fertility support

I went through this by myself. You don’t have to do this the long way.
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If you’re looking for more support, I am here to guide you through this so you can feel more supported, and encouraged and move forward with your fertility sooner.
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What’s included:
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🌸 10 one-to-one video consultations (45 mins)
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🌸 A tailored approach to balance your stress, hormones, and emotions
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🌸 A step-by-step plan with support and resources to walk you through it
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I currently have a couple of spots for August.
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The 10 sessions program is being offered at a special $1297 for a limited time. That’s right you get three bonus sessions! 🤭💖​ ​
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Would you like to learn more about the 3-month Empowered Conception Program? ​ Get in touch. 🌸
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This frog story was inspired by our visit to Hohenzollern Castle over the weekend.
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With love,
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Ileana Kapic xx

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Infertility is being stuck in an in-between phase. In no man’s land.

I’m in Germany for an adult skating competition. It’s been on my bucket list since I returned to skating.  I registered for the competition, but a question about my skating membership number tripped me. I don’t have one. I’ve let my Australian membership lapse yet I wasn’t yet integrated into the Swiss system.
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I wrote TBA on the form and continued. I’ll sort it out.
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Later my registration was accepted and it was time to sort it out.  I’m not living in Australia and my memberships have lapsed. International skating union rules meant I hadn’t been here long enough to be eligible to enter for Switzerland. I’m in no man’s land. Who will I skate for?
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It reminded me that I’m still in transition. Transitioning from my life in Australia to live in Switzerland. It’s been huge. Huge. Good. But huge. Glad I’m here. Still huge.
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𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.
Finding ourselves in an in-between place. No longer in the old space, but you haven’t yet fully arrived and settled in your new destination. For some transitions, you aren’t even sure of your next destination and what your journey involves.  The in-between phases are challenging because you might still be grieving where you are coming from, or what you’ve been through.  A confusing time because you’re looking at what you’re leaving behind, or where you no longer fit.
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These are very delicate spaces. You’re hurting, parts of your old self are breaking but the new version hasn’t been formed or revealed. It’s hard to make plans when you don’t know where you are headed.
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𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘺.
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𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬.
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𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻-𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗽𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗲.
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You choose to start a family.  Instead of finding family life, you find yourself stuck on a path you didn’t want to be on.  The rollercoaster of trying to conceive.
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Negative pregnancy tests, another menstruation, diagnostic tests, more tests, miscarriage, and considering options you didn’t want to consider.  Stuck in making times for appointments, plans and somewhere you don’t want to be.  At the same time, those around you announce pregnancies and baby showers.  The pressure builds up the further down the path you walk.
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You didn’t choose this path.  You don’t want to be on this path.  You‘ve no idea if the path you’ve been walking will lead you to your baby.
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𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔, ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔.
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𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸?
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I’ve been through this. I’ve helped other women through this.
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You have your unique journey, unique challenges, and different solutions. What we have in common is that we get stuck here in transition. Because you’re ready for the next phase, motherhood.
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Finding support isn’t always easy. Some treatments forget this part and focus on only one aspect. You might find you need different types of support.
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Getting your body ready for a healthy pregnancy differs from fertility treatment. While emotional support is different again. Yet they are all complementary. They support you in a holistic way. Holistic preconception wellbeing care certainly helps your fertility in multiple ways and can provide emotional support.
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I offer support by creating a space for all of you.
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Guiding and helping you make tweaks to your lifestyle practices to better your hormonal balance and fertility. Soothing the parts that are hurting, supporting you through these phases, while you keep trying.
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Through the big transitions and micro-transitions.  The transition to seeking help, the transition from natural to clinical support, and the transition from pregnancy to loss. From one treatment to another. From a woman trying to pregnant to becoming a mother.  Encouraging the parts of you that are determined and motivated, the parts that are hopeful, and the parts that are courageously walking the path to your dreams.
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𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝘀𝗸𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿?
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It took a couple of weeks to sort it out. The truth is that I’m an adult skater and no one really cares LOL.  I’m skating for Switzerland.  I’ll honour where I’ve come from, who I am, as well as where I am currently. I’ll be wearing my Australian jacket. I’ve added something Swiss to my T-shirt and I’ve got some ribbons.
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𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂?
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What are you struggling with? Do you need more support?
If you need help through your transition send me a message, maybe I can help. Or I can help you find someone who can.
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With love, Ileana xx
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ileana kapic 2023

A part of my own fertility journey.

𝗔𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀.

A local park with two mums. An intimate get-together with two mothers from my mother’s group and their children.

They were my yes mums and good friends of mine. Mums I got along really well with mums that often said yes to get-togethers. I’d send them a message and more often than not if they were free we’d meet up, anywhere.

We enjoyed the catch-up, the kids had a great time and I went home and cried and cried and cried for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Just before we left the park, the conversation turned to their pregnancies. One was now in her last trimester, the other halfway through.

 

𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.

 

See I’d been pregnant at the same time. We would have been pregnant together. I would have shared my progress in my pregnancy as well. I would have been carrying my baby.

 

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲.

At nine weeks I lost my pregnancy.

As a scientist in reproductive biology, I got it. I understood the odds, that not all pregnancies work out, for many reasons.

 

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵.

 

I had an appointment with the obstetrician and waited in the waiting room alongside women who were pregnant and waiting for their checkups for their healthy babies.

I wasn’t. I was meeting with the obstetrician to discuss my non-viable pregnancy.

 

𝘞𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦.

 

𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁.

At one point she said that if the pain was too much I could take paracetamol.

I sat there hearing the words come out of my mouth. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵?

And over the next few weeks and months, I didn’t find the emotional pain was easing. I didn’t know who to turn to for help. I needed to talk about it, relate to others, and process what I was feeling.

It wasn’t until several months later when I was doing a doula training program that I sat in a circle of women, led by the trainer Kellie Whiskin. In this safe space, I shared my story and heard what I needed to hear. What I’d been through had been given space. It was here with these amazing women holding space for me that I healed.

 

𝗦𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹

I learned so many things about how to sit by a woman’s side and ‘be with a woman’ through her pregnancy. I was passionate about fertility, preconception, and about the long and winding, sometimes heartbreaking journey of infertility. I decided that this was the kind of support that was missing for women who were struggling to conceive or had suffered miscarriage or pregnancy loss.

I knew I had the scientific knowledge, and the passion for wellbeing as well, to get as healthy as we could to increase your chance of a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby.

 

What I had to offer now felt different. It felt like I could hold more of a woman I was working with. Hold space for her, in discomfort and pain. Sit there with her and she expressed what she’s been through and how it affects her.

 

So she can process some of this grief and unload some of the weight she is carrying. So she doesn’t carry it for the rest of her journey and doesn’t carry it into her pregnancy, or into the precious time she is holding her baby.

 

𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺. 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦.

If you feel like you need support reach out and say hello. ​ If I’m unable to help you, I will do what I can to find support that is the perfect fit for you.

 

With love, Ileana xx

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Sometimes in your journey, you need a hand getting up again.

Yesterday skied for the last time this season.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿.

Not only for losing both skis but the height and distance traveled post-fall.

I got to her as soon as I could. Her brother brought her pole from a little higher up and sat next to her. I checked to see if she was hurt first, then helped put my little skier back together again.

In listening to her, I discovered that she was most upset because she had snow everywhere. In her goggles, neck, and helmet.

I handed her tissues to wipe the tears and the snot. Fiddled around her neck and wiped her goggles inside and out.

She worried she wouldn’t be able to see out of her goggles, so I dried them again, just to be sure. I sat with her until she was ready.

Only then did I help put her helmet back on, and her goggles. Skis on with some extra leaning. As soon as she clicked into the skis she was off tearing down the mountain again.

 

𝗜𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆.

You’re riding along and there’s been a significant setback. Your upset. Really upset cause you had some momentum and were hopeful that it would work this time.

Instead, your hopes come crashing down, again. You feel you need to sit there for a moment and release what's coming up. Only after you regain your composure do you continue on the wild ride of trying to have a baby.

It’s moments like those where I sit there with you. it's not the time to dish out advice. It's a time to bear witness to the disappointment you feel. Ask if there is some way I can offer you comfort.

𝘛𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮.

I’m absolutely not the person to turn to for any skiing advice.

 

𝗙𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁

We decided to have one of us riding in front to guide our way forward and one at the back to stop and assist.

Having fertility support is a little of both.

It’s being behind you so I can get to you sooner if I need to give you a hand. With a rider at the back able to get to you sooner if you’ve had a fall.

It gives you a sense of security and comfort. Knowing you have someone there to turn to while you're picking yourself up again.

As a mentor or guide at the front, I will also check in and make sure we are still on the right path for you. Give you some new tools for a smoother run. Or, introduce new techniques to continue improving your fertility and your journey.

 

𝗠𝘆 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴.

Ways to improve your fertility and your emotional wellbeing. Finding ways to improve your health outcomes for you and your child.

I’ve created a community of women who are trying to conceive.

𝘈 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘱 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘍𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘛𝘓𝘊.

 

Here I do 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘦 in the form of tips for better fertility. And ways to nurture yourself in your fertility journey.

I also invite you to free talks where I talk about signs to look out for when you're getting depleted. When you might need to pause to replenish or call it a day, hoping to avoid a total wipeout.

 

𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘺. 𝘎𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴.

 

Regardless of what stage in your fertility or infertility journey you are at.

Because we need you to arrive at motherhood feeling confident and whole.

 

𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘴?

Follow the link and come on in.

Facebook.com/groups/FertilityTLC

 

With Love, Ileana xx

 

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Why self care is vital when your trying to conceive.

Last we PANDA raised awareness of perinatal anxiety and depression. Although it’s a different condition from postnatal anxiety, they are both mental health conditions affecting mood, behaviours, and well-being. Together they cover the period between conception and one year after your baby is born. Both women (1 in 5) and men (1 in 10) suffer from perinatal anxiety and or depression.

This is relevant to the TTC community because research I’ve read suggests the number of women can double for women with infertility.

When the road to conception has already been particularly challenging.

So what can help during this time?

Creating this time to dedicate to listening and taking care of your needs consistently will help many of the challenges that I see women facing when trying to conceive. In particular, stress and the impact stress has on fertility.

It takes a while to find the right self-care habits to suit you, your needs, and your lifestyle. Finding the perfect fit is just as much a part of my work as a fertility mentor as the guidance I offer around food, stress reduction, and strategies to build your mood.

All of the work done now will help to reduce your mental health risks during the perinatal and postnatal periods. This is because pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and motherhood are all part of the same journey.

Anything done to improve your mental health prior to pregnancy, will not only help, get through this period. It also helps set you up for a better journey in pregnancy and beyond.

The skills developed during your infertility journey provide you with greater tools for your toolbag, later on, so you can spend more time enjoying the pregnancy and the newborn baby you struggled so hard to arrive at.

What kind of self-care have you tried and found worked for you?

Would you like to know more about self-care for Fertility?  Send me a message and I will send you some free resources.

With love, Ileana xx

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Your fertility journey is unique. Getting your body ready for your baby is too.

Your fertility journey is unique to you.

What you’ve been through before fertility challenges, and the fertility challenges you have been through since are all unique.

In a discussion with a fellow Fertility Coach last week, we spoke about how difficult trying to conceive can be and that you might share many emotions with others on an infertility journey.  However, what you’ve been through, what challenges you’ve had and the part you hold on to can be very different.

What you need to release, heal, work on, and what areas of your lifestyle are best to prioritise that might be getting in the way of your fertility might be different from what seems manageable right now and will also differ from how you felt a year or two ago.  It’s constantly changing.
The tools and strategies we use to get you there will also be unique. Due to this, the guidance of what to work on and the way I would motivate you and help you through the hurdles you face will also be different from the next person.
Most of the time I’m not sure what to call myself, none of the titles seem a good fit, am I a reproductive biologist, fertility doula, or wellness coach?  I’m all of them and I wear different hats at different times, to find the tools, and strategies that will work best to fit your needs at this moment.
The most important part of the Preconception Fertility Program experience is that it’s all about you. Where you are. The science, strategies, and support are all there, but you and your needs remain at the heart of the program.

I’m more of a catalyst than anything else, helping you to make lifestyle modifications based on your life, and your daily habits. I believe my role is to help them happen more efficiently and with greater ease. And based on what science says works.

When determining the best path forward, I always start at the same place. Assessing where you are at and your biggest needs right now. It’s from here that I find the tools and techniques we think will suit you best to get your body ready to have a healthy pregnancy.
With love, Ileana xx
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The fertility journey often becomes more challenging

The fertility journey can be a challenging one.
Unlike other goals in life that you work toward and see progress. Walking the path of fertility challenges work can be quite different.
You encounter an array of tests and read 101 things you can do to prepare your body, all while you continue to try. Or, you keep going through treatments and are still waiting.
And while you are going through it all, it seems to come with ease those around you. Making it more difficult emotionally.
What were a few niggling thoughts at first have become feelings of confusion and frustration.
Even though you are doing everything you can, you don't feel any closer to achieving your dream. You are still waiting to get pregnant, waiting for a healthy pregnancy, and waiting to find the reason why it's not happening.
And although not all steps are difficult, they add to the load you are carrying. More appointments and further reading can often lead to more options to navigate and make decisions around.
They chip away at your time, your confidence, and your mojo.
As you move through your journey it can become all-consuming and overwhelming. You feel less and less resilient the deeper down the rabbit hole you go.
You might find your mood begins to change and you have more moments of feeling anxious, down, or depleted.
These alterations in your mood aren’t necessarily determined by time, but by what you have been through up to the present moment.
For example;
Other health concerns you have been dealing with before trying for a baby,
Have been receiving fertility treatments for years,
Or having suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss.
The journey looks different for everybody.
How you cope with your fertility challenges can be as unique.  Everything you've been through seems to build up, even if you have a good support network around you.
Perhaps you feel like you're in survival mode, keep on going and going without stopping to see how you are doing.
Checking in with yourself is important.
To acknowledge where you are at. Taking a moment to see if there is something that you can do to alleviate it.
How often do you check in to see how you are coping?
If you feel you could use some more support at the moment, send me a message.
With love, Ileana xx
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How a Day in the Alps Helped this Fertility Coach Regain her Own Reproductive Wellbeing Mojo.

A Day in the Alps, and a Fall from Grace.

We went skiing. My son's choice for a birthday celebration.

It's like riding a bike right?

We arrived in the gorgeous alpine region. A Gondola ride took us high into the Alps.

We enjoyed awe-inspiring views and saw crazy people ice-climbing. In the gondola with us was a family where the mother spoke to the kids in German and to her husband in French. The father spoke in Italian to the children. The kids answered everyone in French.  Welcome to Switzerland 🙂

It’s been about five years. Last time we were in shocking conditions at Mt Buller in Victoria Australia. I was doing well enough for my Swiss hubby not to take off looking for more hair-bending snowboarding adventures. He stayed with me and said he wouldn’t do much more in such poor visibility anyway. They closed that part off shortly afterward.

Some figure skating skills such as edges, speed control, and weight transfer, seem to transfer to skiing. Giving me the ability to, at least, avoid as many falls as I'd otherwise have had as a beginner. Enough to actually enjoy myself.

 

The day started off well enough.

I managed to get my pants on five years on (just). Things were looking fine. It was a warm 6 degrees with the sun shining. I went in feeling confident about having a good day.

Once we were at the ski field, the first step was a handheld pulley to escort us across the flat snow. From there we could take the T-bar up to higher grounds.

Hubby went off, Mr eleven, little Miss seven, and now my turn. Of course, I managed to grab the pulley!

It didn’t go as smoothly as the sight of the local skiers and children would make you believe!

One wrong move and a ski came off and I fell, then the other ski came off. The phrase "arse over tit" captures the moment perfectly. Or as my son would say, SMASH!

I lost a little confidence, but I got back up. Ok just between you and me, I felt like sitting the day out but I didn’t. Just a rough start. That’s out of the way now. It’s got to get better. Let’s do this! I made it to the T-bar lift.

I’m quite a resilient person. But, my resilience takes time, and the t-bars were coming at lightning speed.

Fortunately, there was a break from t-bars and these little round things came. They were far easier to manoeuvre. Slightly bigger than a baby's head and you whack it between your legs and it pulls you up.  Easy peasy.

Almost at the top, and whoops, Mr 11 tumbled off the bar! Showing concern for my son I asked.

“Are you ok?”

“No.”

“Muuuuuuuuum”........

 

The sound got quieter as I was pulled up the mountain (his dad was behind me and would be of more use than me).

I got off shortly afterward and went over the edge to where one would normally begin the descent. Snaking down the mountain in a series of S-turns. Feeling the cool wind in your hair and enjoying the stunning vista of the Swiss alps.

 

It wasn’t the Swiss alps on offer yesterday but Swiss hospitality.

Let me explain…

As I descended from camel toe lift I stacked it, again. I laid on the snow. Perfectly content with the soft surroundings. Looking up to the beautiful clear blue sky Adelboden had on offer.

I could see little miss 7 and her dad waiting for me. Eagerly awaiting my descent, only about 50 m down the mountain so he could get to our son. I laid and contemplated getting up.

I also mentally planned out my next few moves. Visualising what I'd encounter and creating a little mind movie of success in my head. The kind of visualising that has afforded me some success as a mediocre adult figure skater.

I was on the edge still, I had a short steep descent. Not a nice flat stable, grounding one in my predicament could hope for. My predicament being that I hadn’t skied in 5 years, new boots, new skis. Still recovering from last week's flu, and a pinched nerve.

The thought of making it 50 m down the mountain, in a way that one might deem successful was incomprehensible.

I couldn’t get up. I’d beached myself on the snow and laughed, and laughed.

​Little Miss 7 was waving up at mum. I couldn't see from the sun in my eyes, but I think hubby was bursting with pride. Waiting to be bamboozled with the level of skill he'd seen a few years ago.
​
And mum was in hysterics. No, not freaking out. I couldn’t stop laughing.

 

A man came and helped me up. Thank goodness.

I made it down the steep part…phew!

 

But! I’d need to turn soon. And I had no recollection of how I’d ever accomplished a turn before. My muscle memory was taking a while to upload.

So down I went. My knee was in an unfortunate position. Not hurt, but it was uncomfortable, felt a little stuck, and would be strained if I tried to get up.

More Swiss hospitality. The lovely lady was trying to help me up. I said I thought we’d need to remove the ski. She felt I just needed to get up. She called her husband over for extra help.

Ski off. Beached whale up. And I shat myself the whole way down the mountain.

 

I was thrilled to have made it down!

The sun was shining brightly. It was getting hot actually.

Only one run and I was hot and sweaty in ways only my peri-menopausal friends will completely appreciate.

I was so happy to be down. I somehow made it down before the rest of them. As the kids were only on their third day of skiing and snowboarding.

I took off my jacket and was still hot. It wasn’t only me. Looking around it was clear to see it had become an open jacket kind of day. Others, like me, had removed them altogether, choosing to remain sporting only a soft shell.

It was enough, for them.

My hot flush demanded more!

So I took my merino off to sit in my T-shirt to cool off a little. As carefully as my worn-out body allowed, I took care to ensure I didn’t expose my pants that had become undone after breakfast that morning.

Pants that were being held up by by husbands industrial strength belt that had come to the rescue that morning.

I sat there in my t-shirt, not for a little while, no, I committed fully to cooling down and sat there in only my t-shirt for a good 30 minutes.

And I sat there, still laughing at myself. Not only did I look disheveled, but I was also the crazy lady laughing by herself.

The first run had been too big for the kids and me.

 

We happily went to the kiddy area.

I went down the kiddy run a couple of times, then sat out as my pinched nerve was cranky. I had a coffee and some ibuprofen for my pinched nerve and rejoined them, eventually.

No more falls. It seems the muscle memory finished uploading. I found my feet and felt quite comfortable, and found my flow of nice turns and weight changes. Even ready to face the other run again, but didn’t as the kids were happily working on learning new skills.

It seems the grace of the figure skater from last weekend's competition got lost in translation.

 

What’s the moral of the story? Baby steps.

Last week I wrote a blog about layers of wellbeing that it seems the universe wanted me to embody.

A layer of wellbeing

When it all turns to shit and you haven’t a clue what to do. Simplify and get comfortable with the basics.

It’s also time to ramp up some lifestyle modifications of my own now that we are settling into our home for now.

Time to practice what I preach, women's wellness, and give my reproductive wellbeing a little love.

Time to practice what I preach, women's wellness.

I’ll be coaching myself on foods to help hormonal balance and reduce inflammation. Exercise and stretches to feel more nimble and alleviate my pinched nerve. They might also help take a couple of cm off my waist to help my ski pants out a little.

I'll share some adventures of (a middle-aged peri-menopausal woman) Aussie in Switzerland with you.

I’d love you to cheer me on or let me know if I inspire any change in what you’re doing. Or when things go pear-shaped, I’m totally down for that LOL.

 

You can send me message links to my social media below.

With Love, Ileana xx

Message Me facebook instagram
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How to start balancing your wellbeing when you’re completely overwhelmed.


It’s not easy to balance your wellbeing when you’re completely overwhelmed.
 
When you’re busy trying to keep your head above water.


You don’t always have the capacity to give your wellbeing the overhaul it deserves.

 

Sometimes baby steps are all you can manage.

A couple of years ago a mother of three asked if I would work with her. Her family had been through an intense set of circumstances that affected every aspect of their lives.
 
She felt drained, emotionally and physically, and felt this way for the last couple of years.
 
We worked together for about a couple of months. In our sessions together I listened to what they had been through and how much it had affected them.
 

We needed to fill this mama’s cup!

There wasn’t a thing we could remove from her day to lighten the load. Nor could we add more to her day. Not even a single class per week.
 
We needed to fill her cup in a way that would fit into her current life.
 
We got to the heart of what she needed most and find the right solutions that would fit into her life at that moment. It had to be simple.
 
As much as this burnt-out mama needed to improve her wellbeing, a complete overhaul would have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.


Instead, we tweaked a couple of things, to add more ease where she needed it most.
 
Some ways to redirect the morning’s battles and bring a sense of ease.
 

And found an appropriate mindfulness tool that was simple enough to do while she prepared their therapeutic drinks. I also suggested adding an inspiring image on the wall by the juicer to remind her.

 

 
The changes were very effective and didn’t take extra time or energy. The calm they added to their morning changed how the day unfolded.
 
The greater sense of ease created more space.
 

Seeing the benefits of such small tweaks changed her perspective.

 

It gave her confidence, and the willingness to make more incremental changes.
She felt the situation was more manageable and she felt happier.

 

 

I caught up with her a year or so later. The change was incredible.
 

She was filling her cup consistently and dedicating time to things she’d always wanted to do.

 

 

Listening to her inspired me!

 

 
There are various ways to move toward better wellbeing.


It’s important to consider your capacity and an incremental change based on how much energy is available to you at that moment.


Perhaps all you can add at this moment is a single layer.
 
A little something you add on top of what you are already doing for extra benefit, or to add a little more light in.
 
It can be as simple as a cup of tea away from the computer. Intentionally selecting some music to calm or inspire you. Or, add a little salad to the side of your sandwich.
 
When you’re overwhelmed the trick is to start simple. Even a small shift can give you the confidence and the willingness to add more when you’re ready.

 

What area of your life needs some attention?
 
What is a layer you could add?


With love, Ileana xx

 

If you feel you could use a little more support right now, you can contact me here.

 

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